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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33688) - you deserved it (146283)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

#2003683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51188) - you deserved it (7881)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

#1973503
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15625) - you deserved it (54971)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:21am - animals - by killer (woman) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

#1973395
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33771) - you deserved it (17254)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:11am - animals - by FishStampede - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17105) - you deserved it (95275)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

#1868232
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49192) - you deserved it (5948)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:16am - animals - by babyboomerang (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

#1845673
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50881) - you deserved it (6765)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

#1836224
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52844) - you deserved it (5097)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:21am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (439590) - you deserved it (60225)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

#1782445
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42321) - you deserved it (4684)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by jonboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

#1775863
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37154) - you deserved it (23726)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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