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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34350) - you deserved it (12884)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11279) - you deserved it (55844)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

#2741665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40830) - you deserved it (9681)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

#2656270
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44886) - you deserved it (11545)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46071) - you deserved it (6590)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70916) - you deserved it (4854)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

#2650637
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44278) - you deserved it (4976)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88654) - you deserved it (232718)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#2529769
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37147) - you deserved it (22290)

On 06/02/2009 at 11:33am - animals - by dumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

#2524291
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10405) - you deserved it (57376)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:39am - animals - by xacked (man) - United States (California)

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

#2433672
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52361) - you deserved it (23288)

On 05/30/2009 at 2:04pm - animals - by lfssecond - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49570) - you deserved it (4306)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46813) - you deserved it (11613)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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