Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

by wags34 / 08/22/2011 at 10:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

by vishuzzbabe77 / 08/22/2011 at 2:04am / United States / Animals

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

by xXangelaXx / 08/21/2011 at 2:23pm / United States / Animals

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

by Dogless / 08/21/2011 at 1:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2011 at 11:08am / United States / Animals

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

by princessbbee / 08/18/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Animals

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Animals

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

by busybuzzybee / 08/16/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

by NaniNarcotic / 08/16/2011 at 6:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

by Mumbling Mutt101 / 08/15/2011 at 2:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

by romea244 / 08/14/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Puerto Rico) / Animals

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

by Ellencrazee / 08/13/2011 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Animals