Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

by Jeimaiku / 09/27/2011 at 1:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML

by agent_awesome / 09/21/2011 at 11:25am / United Kingdom / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

by socks / 09/21/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Animals

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

by gs / 09/19/2011 at 6:16am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML

by shithead / 09/18/2011 at 4:17pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

by ouch / 09/17/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

by izu / 09/16/2011 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

by Twitchy / 09/14/2011 at 7:20pm / Bahamas (New Providence) / Animals

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals