Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

by minder97 / 10/17/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

by Doglover / 10/13/2011 at 11:55am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Animals

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

by octoberrain / 10/12/2011 at 11:41am / United States / Animals

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

by Jeimaiku / 09/27/2011 at 1:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML

by agent_awesome / 09/21/2011 at 11:25am / United Kingdom / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.