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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had a box full of crickets in my room. I sealed it up with tape and went to take a shower. When I returned, I found that the box had popped open, releasing almost all of the crickets. I can still hear the chirping. FML

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

#21458732
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23786) - you deserved it (5279)

On 08/21/2015 at 1:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

#21456522
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22814) - you deserved it (1931)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

#21456316
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (1762)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

#21456098
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24174) - you deserved it (2742)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm - animals - by Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

#21455862
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21739) - you deserved it (1850)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:01am - animals - by MushyKetchup (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

#21455554
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22029) - you deserved it (1536)

On 08/13/2015 at 10:54am - animals - by grace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

#21453669
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25943) - you deserved it (2290)

On 08/08/2015 at 11:10pm - animals - by terrified (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I fed my 4ft python a live rat for the first time. He now has a new friend he won't let me near. FML

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

#21451813
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25058) - you deserved it (2518)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm - animals - by whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27102) - you deserved it (3118)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (6149)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML



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