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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

#6658784
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28672) - you deserved it (1746)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

#6646444
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25105) - you deserved it (2756)

On 12/07/2009 at 3:54am - animals - by SeeMeInTheDark (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML

#6625843
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22660) - you deserved it (8394)

On 12/05/2009 at 11:30pm - animals - by JC (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

#6620817
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27762) - you deserved it (2552)

On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

#6609748
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29908) - you deserved it (2637)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:15am - animals - by Worsttreeever (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11089) - you deserved it (29501)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML

#6585612
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8090) - you deserved it (26576)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by Sassers (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML

#6568634
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23013) - you deserved it (6164)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:25pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

#6484371
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26150) - you deserved it (1721)

On 11/27/2009 at 8:48pm - animals - by bill - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

#6476198
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4441) - you deserved it (41453)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:13am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

#6471383
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30442) - you deserved it (3867)

On 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

#6464723
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20137) - you deserved it (7057)

On 11/26/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by smellsofeggs (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

#6458973
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8343) - you deserved it (21622)

On 11/26/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by MouseChaser (woman) - United States (California)



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