Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

by notgonnaeatthat / 03/17/2016 at 4:40pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Animals

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

by 2k16 / 03/16/2016 at 10:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

by slugitha / 03/16/2016 at 6:23am / United States / Animals

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

by Xandriajoy10 / 03/08/2016 at 6:56am / Australia / Animals

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

by bird problems / 03/07/2016 at 12:42pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, my vet prescribed Xanax for my very anxious dog, because he keeps me awake all night whining and pacing. He slept soundly for about an hour, then woke up, threw up all over my carpet, and went right back to whining and pacing. FML

by Grimmerie / 03/07/2016 at 4:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

by deaddoggy / 03/02/2016 at 3:46pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Animals

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

by sqquish / 03/01/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was woken by the sound of music coming from my living room at 1:30 am. My cat had managed to turn on the stereo and turn the volume all the way up. Just as I fell asleep again, there was a knock at the door. The police showed up about a noise complaint. FML

by elguapo3745 / 02/29/2016 at 1:20pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a friend located my stolen dog. It was sold to a family that has an autistic child. I was told by the police that I could have my dog back, but they think I am a terrible person if I do. FML

by queerdragon / 02/25/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

by injuredwifelady / 02/23/2016 at 3:23am / United States (Nebraska) / Animals

Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML

by noooooo / 02/21/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML

by KornyKid / 02/21/2016 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Animals