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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

#21363021
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27570) - you deserved it (2842)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm - animals - by Sarah1330 (woman) - United States

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28468) - you deserved it (3764)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (2126)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32450) - you deserved it (6151)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

#21359104
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29421) - you deserved it (1945)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46am - animals - by Animal cruelty (man) - Australia

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

#21353772
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32756) - you deserved it (2330)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm - animals - by jackskellington - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35623) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30962) - you deserved it (3072)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

#21351283
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31501) - you deserved it (2089)

On 02/07/2015 at 12:13am - animals - by juliette (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33834) - you deserved it (3419)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

#21350702
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27743) - you deserved it (1912)

On 02/06/2015 at 12:16am - animals - by anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

#21348955
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28031) - you deserved it (2338)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:26am - animals - by dogbreederssuck (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)



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