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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a calf kicked a needle straight into my arm hard enough to make me stab myself. The good news is I'm now fully vaccinated for cow diseases. FML

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (745) - you deserved it (3401)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

#21378741
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31488) - you deserved it (1988)

On 03/21/2015 at 1:36am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

#21377263
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (323) - you deserved it (9957)

On 03/18/2015 at 6:23pm - animals - by brokeforever (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

#21376174
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22601) - you deserved it (12311)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by ilovecharliesheen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

#21373531
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27266) - you deserved it (2997)

On 03/12/2015 at 11:55pm - animals - by psh_idontbite (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

#21370427
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90) - you deserved it (2573)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:41am - animals - by no salt, no burning, just STFU (man) - United States

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

#21369995
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (8240)

On 03/07/2015 at 3:14pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70) - you deserved it (4888)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (4964)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30334) - you deserved it (2541)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)



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