Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2015 at 9:29am / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

by anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

by catlady / 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

by yooitscallo / 08/22/2015 at 3:30am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a box full of crickets in my room. I sealed it up with tape and went to take a shower. When I returned, I found that the box had popped open, releasing almost all of the crickets. I can still hear the chirping. FML

by Kaei / 08/21/2015 at 4:09pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2015 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

by anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 11:16pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 11:20am / United States / Animals

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

by MushyKetchup / 08/14/2015 at 3:01am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

by terrified / 08/08/2015 at 11:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I fed my 4ft python a live rat for the first time. He now has a new friend he won't let me near. FML

by clutzirella / 08/07/2015 at 2:32am / United States (Florida) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.