Today, I decided to hang my $200 cocktail dress outside for faster drying after hand washing it. I learned that it dries much faster when torn into several pieces, courtesy a stray dog that randomly appeared at my house. FML

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2015 at 7:34pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend fed a "random mushroom from the woods" to my rabbit. It then had a violent seizure and died. He claims it must have been from "natural causes". FML

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Animals

Today, my dog was all over me, and I couldn't help but notice she kept sniffing towards my boobs. Turns out, she wasn't there to get love from me. She was there for a piece of food that I didn't notice had fallen in my bra. FML

by FereldonBorn / 10/01/2015 at 6:41am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

by Js2cool / 09/28/2015 at 10:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, my dad introduced me as his pet orangutan. I'm a redhead. FML

by philosophicallll / 09/28/2015 at 4:25pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

by zAstonish / 09/25/2015 at 11:03am / Singapore / Animals

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

by oh_lordy_me / 09/24/2015 at 1:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

by lyssthemiss / 09/22/2015 at 6:51am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

by mayhemily / 09/21/2015 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

by spiderlady / 09/20/2015 at 11:00pm / United States / Animals