Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

by poophead / 05/29/2015 at 10:39pm / Philippines / Animals

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

by bekkylove22 / 05/27/2015 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

by FMLintheanus / 05/27/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The) / Animals

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

by yif2 / 05/16/2015 at 7:47am / United States / Animals

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

by cricketsins / 05/14/2015 at 1:11am / United States / Animals

Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML