Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

by Jack W. / 12/09/2015 at 2:26pm / United States / Animals

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML

Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML

by not twilight / 12/04/2015 at 7:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public. Nor did I dance with Prince Charming. But I did get a visit from tiny wild mice in my home. FML

by ModernCindy / 11/30/2015 at 11:07am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Animals

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML

by qwertycode / 11/26/2015 at 1:57pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML

by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 8:01pm / Canada / Animals

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

by Haze / 11/23/2015 at 10:25pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Animals

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

by jlujan00 / 11/18/2015 at 6:40pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, while changing the litter in the cat box, the brand new carton ripped open, spilling all twelve pounds of cat litter over my kitchen floor. Both cats promptly rushed over and began frantically urinating all over it. FML

by misfitunfit / 11/10/2015 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2015 at 9:58am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, our dog died. My daughter was really upset about it, so my husband tried to cheer her up. "At least she will be doing something that she liked forever: Sleeping!" My daughter continued to cry for half an hour. FML

by Why? / 11/04/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

by downgirl / 11/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

by time to buy a gun / 11/01/2015 at 11:22pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals