Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

by Devotedmom / 01/10/2016 at 4:07am / Belgium (Liege) / Animals

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

by cat lady / 01/06/2016 at 10:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2016 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 6:37am / Australia / Animals

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2015 at 1:06pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

by lolmyfduplife / 12/24/2015 at 1:10am / Animals

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

by ChaoticGamer / 12/23/2015 at 10:15am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

by shibs / 12/19/2015 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

by Jack W. / 12/09/2015 at 2:26pm / United States / Animals