Animals: Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark...

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 341

You deserved it 94 564

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Same thing different taste

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 288

You deserved it 87 235

By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 149

You deserved it 3 651

Idyllic

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Valkenswaard

Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 714

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 603

You deserved it 11 273

WTF are you doing?

By Anonymous - 27/11/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 681

You deserved it 295

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 553 336

You deserved it 46 998

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 653

You deserved it 12 409

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 4 840

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 717

Bad boy

By dogdays - 10/11/2014 01:12 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 009

You deserved it 7 221

shamille 5

Monday 30 March 2009 9:50

at least they didn't steal your dog

iBou_fml 4

Monday 30 March 2009 10:17

half an hour masturbating? :S

Comments

JoshBuescher 0

Monday 30 March 2009 9:45

its not your fault,i would have done the same thing.

nosedive1994 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 5:09

so now you can't get pay-per-view to Jack off to lol

rileybrownie 0

Sunday 10 July 2011 19:39

yeah it's not your fault at all!! xD sorry to hear about your TV

XxSuNnYGiLLxX 7

Sunday 20 May 2012 0:50

im surprised your dog didnt bite his assss

Screwie 25

Saturday 8 September 2012 21:56

Should've gone downstairs with your volcano gun.

shamille 5

Monday 30 March 2009 9:50

at least they didn't steal your dog

jazziue 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:37

hope it was good

spaerro 8

Friday 9 September 2011 10:03

France approves.

InstantRanbowMix 0

Monday 26 March 2012 5:24

You were masturbating for 30 min ?

Templemind47 0

Monday 30 March 2009 9:51

You did not know, but it might make a good excuse for the parents...

JoshBuescher 0

Monday 30 March 2009 9:53

HA! I AM FOURTH TOO!!!

CStigler 0

Monday 30 March 2009 9:55

what you get when you ignore your dog...

Wild_Marco 13

Thursday 26 December 2013 6:34

When you have a dog that barks at every person,car or animal that walks by, you tend to start ignoring the constant barking...

CStigler 0

Monday 30 March 2009 9:57

what you get for ignoring your dog.

Jimboom 11

Monday 30 March 2009 10:05

Ha ha! Wanker.

msrock 0

Monday 30 March 2009 10:07

What do you say when you see your TV floating away in the middle of the night?

zac12345 0

Monday 15 March 2010 23:20

NIGGAHS

lpaul49 0

Monday 30 March 2009 10:15

Way to be irresponsible, douche.

iBou_fml 4

Monday 30 March 2009 10:17

half an hour masturbating? :S

lasapa 2

Tuesday 21 December 2010 15:34

exactly what i thought

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The Top

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 336

You deserved it 15 970

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned, "The bitch on the pot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 123

You deserved it 19 037

The Top

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said, "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said, "No, seriously." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 632

You deserved it 37 605

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 109

Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 452

You deserved it 3 392

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 067

You deserved it 7 865

Here's the first FML Video created by Louis, who will creating many more in the weeks (months, years...) to come!

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 103

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 100

You deserved it 3 363