Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

by ouch / 12/01/2016 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Animals

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

by Lizziebelle / 12/01/2016 at 3:07am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2016 at 1:34am / Animals

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

by Wet Britches / 11/23/2016 at 8:32pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

by smalls727 / 11/22/2016 at 12:46pm / Animals

Today, to keep my dog from barking in my ear in the car, I put a buzz collar on him. It worked: he barked once, the collar vibrated, he shut up. Then, his 75 pounds trembling in terror, he pissed himself and all over the back seat. FML

by ThatBackfired / 11/17/2016 at 10:51am / Animals

Today, my mum called me at work in hysterics, saying she had just been arrested and that I needed to get her dog from her house. I had no idea why she was arrested. I hear nothing from her until 1 a.m. when she calls, waking me up. The first words out of her mouth are, "How's the dog?" FML

Today, I argued with my dog for ten minutes because she refused to go outside and pee. FML

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

by ConfusedGinger / 11/10/2016 at 6:50am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

by catbum / 11/09/2016 at 10:54pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Animals

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

by Dirtbikesnowboard / 11/09/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

by CanadianEH / 11/08/2016 at 6:39pm / Animals

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

by Alittlebitiffy / 11/07/2016 at 8:51am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals