Poopoo%20peepee

Stars of CCTV

By Guess I'm jobless - 10/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I nailed a job interview and they hired me on the spot. The only problem was I was bursting at the seams and had to poop really bad. After destroying their bathroom and taking my leave, not an hour later I got a phone call saying they're "gonna go a different direction." FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 215

Close encounters

By Pinkie - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 281

You deserved it 2 715

New pariah just dropped

By Anonymous - 09/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had such an intense stomach ache I couldn’t even stand up. I ended up shitting my pants. I’m 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 117

Welcome to 2024

By Jollyshitshow - 02/01/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Daventry

Today, on the first day of 2024, I, a healthy 32 year-old, woke up to find I not only pissed the bed, but also shat myself in my sleep. I have no idea what I ate to cause this, nor how I didn't wake up when it was happening. This new year is literally off to a shit start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 129

Panic!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 460

Slippery when wet

By blewidstepr - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 6 519

Autopilot

By TuteBananaCupcake - 29/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I used the last of the toilet paper to blow my nose while taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 543

Anatomy 101

By Rhayne - 26/12/2023 22:00 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I, a 29 year-old, healthy female who has never done anal, felt the urge to fart while working on my computer. However, it then felt like I was going to be poop, so did a mini sprint to my bathroom. Unfortunately, my anus let go and I shat myself. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 179

This means war

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 135

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 23/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I ended up shitting myself when trying to pass what I thought was a small amount of gas, only for it to be diarrhea. I turned 37 last month. Never trust a fart, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 196

Long ass

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I went to the market and I was stuck in a long ass line for 10-15 minutes. To make things worse, in front of me was a guy bending down with his buttcrack all the way out. I couldn't eat anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 198

Broke boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 447

You deserved it 3 860

First class slob

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 96

Throw them into a volcano

By stinkstinkman - 07/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I failed to notice a nice ripe pile of dog poop on my front yard until I got to work. I tried to clean my shoe off with alcohol wipes in the bathroom. Not only did it barely work, the wipes are non-flushable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 149

Bad boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 5 297

Well done!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 599

You deserved it 5 021

Stank face

By Tour guide for a day - 02/12/2023 04:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I attended a virtual meeting. When I went to grab a coffee during a break, for some reason took my laptop with me, got distracted by my cat taking a stinky dump, so my coworkers got an unplanned tour of his litter box while I scooped it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 532

Who are you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 193

You deserved it 3 000

What even is that?

By git recked lul - 01/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Allen Park

Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 150

Great parenting team goals

By mom05 - 27/11/2023 14:00

Today, I left my four month-old daughter with my boyfriend of three weeks so I could go shopping in peace. I came home four hours later to find her screaming, hungry, with a dirty diaper. When I asked why he didn't do anything to help her, he said, "Why should I? She's not my kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 678

Banished

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 20:00

Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 772

Family values

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 4 392

Bad boy

By Shiva - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Niort

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 779

You deserved it 9 641

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 06:00

Today, I talked to a teenage girl that came in for debilitating constipation. Turns out she'd stopped drinking water and had been purposely holding her bowels because her new online boyfriend convince her it’s unattractive and unladylike for girls to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 85

The smell test

By sosadstudent - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 4 449

Unplugged

By Anonymous - 12/11/2023 08:00 - Belgium - Merendree

Today, after working many 80+ hour weeks, a patient called to urgently come with their sick infant. Of course, I stayed late to help them. The baby had been constipated for a full 24 hours, and the parents had panicked. During the examination, the baby shat on my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 81

Slush

By Anonymous - 11/11/2023 16:00 - Germany

Today, I’m a big fan of healthy supplements, but those algae pills I bought were a definite waste of money. Why? Because they came out of me looking the exact same way they went in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 400

Tough shit

By c.m.g. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 572

You deserved it 3 914

Limited edition prank

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 684

You deserved it 4 304

GrossAir

By Nolongeracriminal - 05/11/2023 06:11

Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 153

Nolongeracriminal tells us more.

Nolongeracriminal 15

Sunday 5 November 2023 2:06

I didn't realize it until after I got back to my seat. I definitely wasn't going to touch that. Nothing like walking thru an airport with no shoes on.

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Keywords

Teenagers Friends Love Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Work Relatable Awkward Parents Weird Miscellaneous Health Job interview Facebook Social Media Jealousy Relationship advice AITA Kids Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Education Capitalism

The Top

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 21 832

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 455

You deserved it 2 906

The Top

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 000

You deserved it 3 227

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 30 328

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 786

You deserved it 1 555

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 123

Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 359

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 430

You deserved it 10 468