Healthy%20Lifestyle

Healthy hair tips

By EggHead - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 574

You deserved it 37 109

Nature is healing

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 04:00 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I’m proud and happy for having used my bike instead of my car for almost two months. Well, I was. Until I discovered that my car, though clean, dry and with a moisture absorber inside, has started to grow mold. Everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 156

Quack detector

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 09:59 - Malta - Nadur

Today, I went to see a "Weight loss Manager." When I told her that I have a slow thyroid at the of age 29, she excitedly explained that it's all in my head, and that I gain weight because of the food I eat. I'm a healthcare professional and I think I went to see a quack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 203

Never again

By fat inspiration - 24/02/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my ex needs motivation to go to the gym, she posts a picture of herself in a pair of huge pants with the caption, “NEVER AGAIN!” Problem? They’re my pants, that I'd left at her place after we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 187

Health kick

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 00:01

Today, after my wife set a new rule to improve my health, one sex session for every three visits to the gym, which has greatly improved our sex life for two months, and I've never been fitter, but now she complains I'm not keeping her company on the couch anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 183

For fans of '90S UK TV

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 17:00

Today, and since his retirement, my husband's enthusiasm for life has declined, his love of beer and crisps has skyrocketed, and his interest in personal hygiene has plummeted. Add to that his wearing of old, worn clothes with holes in he almost completely looks like Onslow from 'Keeping Up Appearances.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 155

Equilibrium

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 11:01

Today, my top priorities for being able to function in life are being healthy and slim, and getting enough sleep. Unfortunately, my only remaining pleasures in life are eating chocolate and reading long novels in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 240

Young?

By HealthKicked - 28/01/2022 23:01

Today, it was my first day alone with the kids since my separation. Knowing how my ex is a health nut, I made a super healthy dinner for the kids. When she collected them afterwards, she said that if I had cooked like that when we were together, she wouldn’t have fucked Angus. Who the hell is Angus? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 201

Bad diet

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Verona

Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 129

Big brained

By TiredTeacher95 - 22/01/2022 19:59

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 95

Addiction

By Anonymous - 18/01/2022 01:58

Today, I thought I’d do something for my digestion and forego the after-lunch coffee, as it always makes me gassy. Well, without the coffee apparently all the gas just stayed inside. Whatever it did in there gave me a pretty awful stomach ache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 129

Whackos

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 20:01

Today, after undergoing a rigorous diet and exercise program, I was proud of losing 65 lbs in 3 months. When my favorite client saw me gleaming from my results, she loudly exclaimed that, “all life is sacred.” She assumed I'd had an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 101

Hypocritical

By creepingjennie - 09/12/2021 04:59

Today, I realized that the only thing that relieves my chronic facial pain is vaping CBD. I previously was very vocal about how much I hate smoking and vaping. My kids think I'm a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 009

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 19:59 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 139

Shake, rattle, and roll

By goddamn idiots - 29/10/2021 08:01 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 156

Proof

By 30goingon13 - 23/10/2021 23:00

Today, my acne was so bad I got carded for a pack of lighters. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 106

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 65

How d'you like them apples?

By an Apple a day my ass! - 11/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, in an effort to curb my drinking, I’ve tried eating an apple whenever I got the urge, which worked wonderfully for a couple of days, until the sudden influx of fiber in my diet caused me to violently shit myself miles from home. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 241

Compromises

By DepressionBetty - 11/10/2021 08:00

Today, I realized I agreed to go to the gym with my fiancé after being on my feet at work all day because he wants to get fit, but he will not help me remodel the house I’m working on so we can have a bigger place to live, because he doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want or need to go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 299

Gross dude, dude

By GhostPenguin - 08/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I had to tell my 30 year-old boyfriend to take a shower, or else he won't for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 177

Generational trauma

By Laren - 24/09/2021 23:00

Today, I discovered my 17 year-old daughter has an eating disorder. When I confronted her, she confessed that she’s doing it because she wants to stay thin, so that her boyfriend doesn’t dump her like her father dumped me for not being thin enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 135

It's called growing old

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 11:01

Today, I woke up with the nastiest, most brutal hangover ever. I haven't had alcohol in 10 years and I only eat healthy, yet my body craps itself out because… reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 129

Push through the pain barrier

By Renee Simard - 18/09/2021 23:00

Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes everyday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 200

Cyclist's drip

By buyouyou - 28/08/2021 12:01 - China - Beijing

Today, I cycled to the office in my new uniform pants. When I arrived an hour later, my sweat had already soaked through them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 845

Second opinion, please

By fishyrael - 25/08/2021 22:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 175

Moobs

By Dad Is Fat - 25/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Mount Orab

Today, my 3-year-old daughter told me I was blocking her view of her puppy. She said, "Dad, your boobs are too long!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 216

It's the new thing!

By Squeakyclean - 23/08/2021 08:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 186

Cruel summer

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 22:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it’s a rather wet summer and everything in our house is prone to mould. No, I’m not exaggerating when I say “everything”: I just found mould growing on the plates in the cupboard. And, no, we did not accidentally put them away unwashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 77

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 16:01

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 800

Realization

By Eyal - 20/08/2021 17:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, after always thinking I wasn't ugly, just fat, I've lost 30kg and it now turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 119

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I'm once again stuck on the side of the road. I was borrowing my housemate's old car and it broke down. This comes only days after my own broke down (and will take 3 weeks to repair). None of this is helping my sudden temper and mood swings that have come as a side-effect of discontinuing my anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 127

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 824

You deserved it 254

The Top

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 143

Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 1 262

Today, as a Uber driver, a passenger requested a ride at 5:30 a.m. so he could go a half block to the McDonald's drive thru and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 959

You deserved it 2 488

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 563

You deserved it 3 246

Today, I came into work late, tried to sneak in, but got caught by my supervisor. Usually I wake up at 7am, hit the road around 7.30, arrive at work before 8am. Today I woke up at 5am, thought that I could go back to sleep for 2 hours, I went back to bed. When I woke up, it was already 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 576

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 272