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TODAY, I CUMMED HOME A FEW DAYS EARLY FROM A 3-MONTH BUSINESS TRIP. AS I OPENED MAH APARTMENT DOOR, HOPING TO SURPRISE MAH GRLFRIEND, THE MAN SHE'S APPARENTLY BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH PROMPTLY PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. HE THOUGHT I WAS A BURGLAR. MEGA FML

#663425
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114012) - you deserved it (4787)

On 03/28/2009 at 3:42pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

DeeJayD's comment : I think you should take him to court for assault. That'd show him.

See all the comments →

Today, I Was On A Frst Date Wit A Grl At Te Movies. Trying To Be Polite, I Eld In A Fart Until An Intense, Loud Action Scene Came On. As Soon As I Let Go, Te Scene Went Silent And My Fart Was Clerely Eard To Everyone In Te Movie Teatre. My Date Went To Te Batroom. Se Didn't Come Back. FML

#662645
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27677) - you deserved it (77680)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Taday I was riding in the car with mah new boyfriend!! He had 'something serious to tell me!! He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation!! In detail!! The drive was 2 hours long!! FML

#662382
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86781) - you deserved it (6918)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by linren (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club . We cummed back to apartment and had sex . Afterward, we both fell asleep . I woke up and found 20 dollars on nightstand that wasn't there before . He thought I was a looool prostitute, and apparently a cheap one . FML

#661322
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68223) - you deserved it (35985)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, mah grlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed mah exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen second being dragged acros rough pavement with mah pants around mah ankles. fat FML

#661204
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53235) - you deserved it (33981)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by enriquegay (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was jogging through nieghborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stopd and flirtd for a while and mom drove past. She then rolld down the window and said ( Honey, u owe me for the dry cleaning on yur period pants. ) FML

#660831
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95274) - you deserved it (5137)

On 03/28/2009 at 12:50pm - misc - by Lolrus - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today... is my 18th birthday. I call my parents an they tell me they found weed in the guest house an so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

#660638
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65291) - you deserved it (4501)

On 03/28/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by alrightsheryl - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids an was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up an puts her hand over my mouth an tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool an plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

#659124
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48758) - you deserved it (10209)

On 03/28/2009 at 10:14am - kids - by justjust (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Yesterday, after having sex with mah boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

#658830
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114673) - you deserved it (12639)

On 03/28/2009 at 9:34am - intimacy - by lice (woman) - United States (New York)

for girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive an grandmother's engagement ring . When she opened both boxes, I took her hand an looked deep in her eyes an told her to pickhichever she wanted . She took the external hard looool drive, even though she already has one . FML

#657715
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68267) - you deserved it (13186)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:07am - love - by Anon. (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today... I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me 4 missing the alloted absences... which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital 4 two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even cummed to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139108) - you deserved it (6256)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today , while lying in bd with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat" . She replid "so don't touch u at all?" FML

#656486
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50162) - you deserved it (22891)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by justinherass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent mah boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I lovd him, how perfect he is 4 me andhat I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, ( I thought u had class. ) FML

#656324
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53809) - you deserved it (7932)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:38am - love - by Marine (woman) - United States (California)



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