Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

by loser / 10/19/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

by Geez / 10/19/2009 at 1:02pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I told my sister that I thought I was pregnant, and that she was the only person I had called. Immediately after I hung up the phone I got a text saying, "OMG my sister thinks she's pregnant!" FML

Misc248's comment : We can laugh about it now because it turns out I wasn't pregnant. But now I know I can't trust her with information like that (unfortunately).

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Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

by kierstin / 10/19/2009 at 11:54am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

by DrunkGirl / 10/19/2009 at 11:42am / Love

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

by cc10 / 10/19/2009 at 7:50am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 4:46am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Giskard's comment : You should have just asked if you could have it.

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Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

by Shower? / 10/19/2009 at 3:26am / Intimacy

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 3:10am / Indonesia (Jawa Timur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly runs across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family that owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

by JC / 10/19/2009 at 2:40am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

by worldsbestjobgonebad / 10/19/2009 at 2:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

by Ryanissaur / 10/19/2009 at 1:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

by Joe / 10/19/2009 at 12:32am / Cambodia (Phnum Penh) / Intimacy