Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

#966967
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70955) - you deserved it (25439)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Obee (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

#966838
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17815) - you deserved it (86025)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by seussical65 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML

#966789
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30020) - you deserved it (88115)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:45am - love - by oxbbabexo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79073) - you deserved it (3058)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

#965194
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88113) - you deserved it (8696)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

#964759
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65631) - you deserved it (6978)

On 04/14/2009 at 3:50am - misc - by LizLiao (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

#964026
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68247) - you deserved it (4162)

On 04/14/2009 at 2:13am - work - by Bob (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was in the Student Union when a man a came up to me and asked if I wanted to be in a study to see how men acted differently when working with attractive women. Flattered and taken aback, I agreed. He then told me I would be part of the control group to see how they act around plain looking women. FML

#963368
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54583) - you deserved it (5981)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by wellgreat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

#963370
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18540) - you deserved it (65895)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by khood (man) - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

#963044
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45443) - you deserved it (29787)

On 04/14/2009 at 12:44am - love - by dramaqueen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking into class when the guy i like walked in and said "Gross it smells like grandma in here. What, did someone bathe in their perfume today?" I was the only girl in the room and I just bought new perfume. I thought I smelled good, apparently I didn't. FML

#961162
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40860) - you deserved it (12713)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:50pm - misc - by eMmA01 (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
703 comments

I agree, your life sucks (734453) - you deserved it (56672)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

sumoneoverthere's comment : O holy. That must've been REALLY awkward. There's no way you would've known she was dead! You don't deserve that! FYL. =(

See all the comments →

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

#958764
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61116) - you deserved it (6912)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Essa's illustrated FML
  • Yesterday was labor day in the US. FML is international, and and specifically US-centric, but we still sat around doing nothing because we'll take any excuse to do anything. We'll endorse any national…

Friday 1 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: