Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

by hawaiianlovechild / 11/29/2009 at 2:09am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 1:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend accidentally left her facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 1:31am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

by random123 / 11/29/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

by Shannon / 11/28/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Louisiana) / Holidays

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

by nickyy / 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

by figures / 11/28/2009 at 8:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

by NickC / 11/28/2009 at 7:40pm / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 5:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

by IndieRox / 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

by badDriver / 11/28/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

by chacha / 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States / Intimacy

facefirst's comment : That blows.

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