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Yesterday, I was going on a plane to Chicago . My passport picture is 6 years old, an back then I was a beautiful model . Now, I gave birth to a child an gaind 50 lbs . When I showd my passport to the airport atendents, I got arrestd for stealing someones passport . FML

Today , I walkd in on mah boyfriend of 5 yeres getting intimate with mah best friend . When they saw me they immediately stoppd an said nothing . After about 5 second of silence mah boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago . FML

#923154
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125812) - you deserved it (6961)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it was my brthday. My grandma gave me a hug an a check after wishing me a happy brthday an walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund.

#922323
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47651) - you deserved it (3009)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by suckmeoff (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency fir my interview to be a potential model an I was next in line . They called "NEXT!" an I walked in with a smile on my face . They stared at my face fir a moment an then started yelling "NEXT" . FML

#922187
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53763) - you deserved it (10178)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by taptheturtle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting using mah laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process mah knee hit mah laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke mah $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

#922153
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26294) - you deserved it (52907)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:50am - misc - by MYLIFESUX (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today... mah ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol r alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic fir drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school an they tried to have an intervention. They pray fir me every day. FML

#921168
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62972) - you deserved it (11615)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:44am - kids - by cxcrktkt (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service 4 Passover), mah mom servd matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options 4 me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shoutd, "I like really big balls!" in front of mah entire family. FML

#921004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19249) - you deserved it (89873)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Yesterday, I walkd out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck . I chasd them six blocks until I trippd and twistd my ankle . I limpd back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield 4 $55 dollars . The reason? Missing license plates . FML

#920933
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73026) - you deserved it (2804)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

I parkd mah car on the street to go to the gym . When i cummd back mah car was blockd by a parade of people . I turnd to a shop worker smoking a cigarette an said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks . It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church . real FML

#920023
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15332) - you deserved it (44088)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY, I WAS GIVING A TOUR ON CAMPUS WHEN ONE OF MAH FRIENDS APPROACHD US AN SAID "DON'T GO HERE, THE WED'S TOO EXPENSIVE." AN WALKD AWAY. THINKING HE'S COMING BACK TO SAY HE'S JOKING, HE INSTEAD SAY "I'M JUST KIDDING ITS REALLY CHEAP" AN WALKD AWAY. I MAY OR MAY STILL HAVE A JOB. BIG FAT FML

#920019
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (4658)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by JimmyJazzNJ (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Yastarday... I want with mah grandma to pickup mah uncla an cousins from tha airport. On our way thara... tha car diad in looool tha middla of tha road. A polica officar stoppad to halp us... ha blockad tha roadhila i pushad an mah grandma staarad. I had to push a minivan... I waigh 115 lbs. FML

#919886
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43109) - you deserved it (5310)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by carpusher (man) - United States (Florida)

2day ma parent asked if I wanted to go to military scool so i said ( yea tat would be awesome ) tinking it was a joke!! Tey weren't joking!! mega FML

#919776
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20653) - you deserved it (39237)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by AlienZ (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I dog-sat for neigbors' pitbull. Weiging in at 100 pounds wit a nasty bite; tis dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing ow deadly tis dog could be - beckoning it towards me wit and. I now ave 6 stitces in and an arm, an te neigbors didn't pay me. FML

#919656
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46538) - you deserved it (16001)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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