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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today , I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a siezure. Nervous , I went into shock an walked into a tree , knocking myself out. Post siezure , the woman stood up an walked away. Later , I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her , but ended up taking me instead. FML

#940649
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43748) - you deserved it (17614)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:49pm - health - by EpicFailAtItsFinest (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, ma two year old cousin was aving a temper tantrum. I decided to give im a flasligt because playing wit it usually distracts im. It didn't. Instead, e it me in te face wit it as ard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

#940357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36840) - you deserved it (23190)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushd me in the pool. When I got out, I pushd her in. She startd screaming, and I startd laughing cuz I thought she was pissd that I pushd her in. That wasn't y she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessd it. FML

#937193
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49254) - you deserved it (19011)

On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)

JBiz's comment : I fucking hate little kids

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Taday te guy tat I lyk took me on to te Cavaliers game. At te game, on te jumbotron tey do a ting were tey sow couples an ave tem kiss, te camera goes on to us an as I go into kiss im e turns an says "not in tis lifetime". Te entire stadium got to see me get rejected. big fat FML

#934076
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132967) - you deserved it (9930)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by cavgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Serial's comment : the crowd should of started the "asshole" chant

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TODAY, AS I GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE, AND WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SAYING "WILL YOU MARRY ME?", SHE ANSWERED A TEXT MESSAGE. APPARENTLY IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT. FML

#932548
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (148321) - you deserved it (9273)

On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months askd me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finishd explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline an I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

#929724
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70210) - you deserved it (12085)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on mah laptop!! I unpaused to find mah character and mah boyfriend's were no longer together!! Slightly confused, I went on to find the note mah boyfriend left!! It said, "I hope u can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game!! FML

#927368
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82936) - you deserved it (5246)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I Was With Girlfriend In Her Room . She Starts Screaming . Her Father Bursts In And, Thinking I'm Some Kind Of Rapist, Hits Me In The Head With A Baseball Bat . Not Bad Enough? I Wasn't The One Making Her Scream . There Was A Huge Spider On The Wall . Fat FML

#927361
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98177) - you deserved it (4681)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by spiderhater (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I Found Mah Dog, Who Had Been Missing For Over A Month, At The Local Pound. Clerely It Was Mah Dog, She Responded To Her Name And Cried When She Saw Me. However, The Woman There Told Me I Could Not Simply Take Her, I Had To Follow Through With All Policies. I Paid $250 To Adopt Mah Own Dog. FML

#927038
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66845) - you deserved it (9265)

On 04/12/2009 at 1:55pm - animals - by anbrown6 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, It Was Easter An I Thought It Might Be Fun To Look Fir Eggs With Mah Little Brother. My Parents Told Me To Take The Ones In The Higher Places That Mah Brother Couldn't Reach. All Of His Eggs Were Filld With Candy Or Money. Each One Of Mine Had A Note Saying 'maybe When You Lose Weight'. FML

#925174
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69686) - you deserved it (8905)

On 04/12/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today , fir Easter , mah brother and sister both got $200 gifts from mah parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. mega FML

#924153
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132661) - you deserved it (6826)

On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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