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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside condo!! I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on looool something!! It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off bicycle's U-lock!! FML

#991872
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53365) - you deserved it (5446)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I Was Talking On My Mobile And Walking Into A Grocery Store Saying, Quite Loudly, "Time Heals All Wounds!" Right As I Passed A Woman With Significant Burns Covering Her Face. I Guess I Was Wrong. FML

#989435
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (48831)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17pm - misc - by Insensitive (man) - United States (Washington)

TODAY, I WENT 4 A JOG. I HAD STOPPED AT AN INTERSECTION TO LET A CAR GO BY. THE CAR STOPPED AND THE DRIVER WAVED ME ON, SO I STARTED JOGGING AGAIN. AFTER A FEW STEPS, I FEEL A SHARP PAIN IN SIDE, THEN WAKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL. THE DRIVER 'ACCIDENTALLY' HIT THE GAS. MEGA FML

today after two weeks of living on plain pasta , I finally got paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food , and ride the subway instead of exhausting malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it fir ten days. FML

#985016
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75494) - you deserved it (3690)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:48am - money - by A. (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw a commercial fir some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from there bowl. My mouth just watered fir a dog food commerical. mega FML

#984041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43677) - you deserved it (23061)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today , Mah Aunt Informed Me That She Thinks I'm Faking The Debilitating Disease I've Had Fir The Past 13 Years. Apparently She Thinks I Just Don't Want To Go To College Or Get A Job , And That I Like Living On Disability. She Also Added That Mah Entre Extended Family Agrees With Her. Mega FML

#983343
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73486) - you deserved it (5535)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

TODAY, I WAS WOKEN UP TO MA MOM PLAYING TE PIANO AWFULLY. I SCREAMED DOWN TE STARS "YOU SUCK, STOP PLAYING!" TURNS OUT IT WAS MA 5 YEAR OLD COUSIN PLAYING A RECITAL. FOR MA ENTRE FAMILY. FML

#983061
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17096) - you deserved it (83499)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train!! Running late, we screechd into the parking lot at 7:57, stoppd the car in a 'no stop' zone!! I said goodbye to my friend, sprintd to my train and barely made it!! Then, with the train in motion, I noticd my friend's car keys in my hand!! FML

yesterday I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was looool serious. FML

#982369
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17765) - you deserved it (54300)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I performed in mah school play . Right before mah big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage looool and I became aroused . The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus . All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion . FML

#981592
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95565) - you deserved it (39062)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Jimboom's comment : Ha ha! Good attempt at an excuse but we all now know that your into a bit of bondage ya dirty bugger.

See all the comments →

2day I was telling mah sister about how I am horribly depressd an how I can't function an she respondd with "Oh shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

#980782
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50037) - you deserved it (5347)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:15pm - health - by bobbies (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today... I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in mah car to head back to college. My brother told me mah shoes were untied. He said he would tie them fir me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs cuz he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

#979706
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46961) - you deserved it (10093)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into mouth. I swallowed it. FML



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