Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

by RAHrahRAH / 01/14/2010 at 9:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

by nude / 01/14/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

by Lackadaisical / 01/14/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 5:35pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

by scubai / 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

CitizenSnipz's comment : Both of you were eating a delicious snack filled with cream. He was just seeing how it was for you!

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Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm / United States / Health

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

by light_talker / 01/14/2010 at 2:04pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

by Lost / 01/14/2010 at 10:57am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

by Nosexytime / 01/14/2010 at 10:56am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

by Oops / 01/14/2010 at 10:55am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

by Jaayoung23 / 01/14/2010 at 10:47am / Intimacy

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

by hair2daygone4ever / 01/14/2010 at 10:45am / United States (New York) / Kids