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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

#2040967
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51018) - you deserved it (9745)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

#2039933
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16782) - you deserved it (53713)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

#2039124
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41673) - you deserved it (2431)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49684) - you deserved it (10021)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

#2036328
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40573) - you deserved it (2892)

On 05/17/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by gameguy3424 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94191) - you deserved it (22489)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

#2028672
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19557) - you deserved it (33166)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by Richocet - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
439 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33734) - you deserved it (146639)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

MURPHYCHACHO's comment : What. The. Hell. Are. You. Smoking?

See all the comments →

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
653 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (283034)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Ami8919's comment : YDI. I dont even need to say anything more than that.

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Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

#2019418
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62530) - you deserved it (9044)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13641) - you deserved it (96615)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58856) - you deserved it (4677)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

#2014797
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59036) - you deserved it (7190)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by _dopey_ (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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