Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

by hotandbothered / 02/03/2010 at 1:24am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

by olyswimmer / 02/03/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

by Brittany / 02/03/2010 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, after almost nine months of doing anything and everything to show my love for my girlfriend and make her happy, she told me she would give "anything" to relive the one week of her and her ex's relationship where she was the happiest in her life. FML

by redjesus69 / 02/02/2010 at 10:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

by nonameLiz / 02/02/2010 at 8:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2010 at 7:12pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

by fuckmylife / 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

by Namnack / 02/02/2010 at 2:38pm / Netherlands (Groningen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home. According to her, stomach ulcers are not a true health issue, so there's no reason to leave. FML

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

by anonymous / 02/02/2010 at 12:32pm / Animals

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

by Forgetfull / 02/02/2010 at 12:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML

by tony1401 / 02/02/2010 at 11:00am / United States / Miscellaneous