Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

by TJ / 01/07/2010 at 11:50am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

by Boob / 01/07/2010 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 9:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

by Doomy / 01/07/2010 at 9:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

by Archie / 01/07/2010 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

by nothotforteacher / 01/07/2010 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, feeling confident, I asked my boyfriend what he thought of my new body, since I had lost 16 kilos over the past month. He told me that he missed the old me and wanted me to gain weight again. My boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to lose weight in the first place. FML

by Srain / 01/07/2010 at 1:36am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

by a.baybay / 01/07/2010 at 1:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 12:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

by DeadBroke / 01/07/2010 at 12:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

PeopleRSoDumb's comment : If you play your cards right, instead of a birth you could have two funerals.

See all the comments

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

by mindlost / 01/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

by VictimofLaw / 01/06/2010 at 8:57pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.