Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

by CheLi / 12/08/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

by niquey62307 / 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

by skating101 / 12/07/2009 at 9:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

by Alison / 12/07/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

lmaoatyourlife's comment : So this guy was some one you had never met or seen before... why would you just assume he was hot?!

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Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

by Postdotfuzz / 12/07/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

by Van / 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2009 at 5:54pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, I signed up for a psych experiment. I was a damsel in distress on the side of the highway, but no one stopped. Back at the lab, another participant said a half dozen people helped her. The professor was testing how attractiveness effects altruism. I was the unattractive subject. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2009 at 4:05pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

by sexyyy / 12/07/2009 at 2:18pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Love

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

by Dejected / 12/07/2009 at 2:16pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

by WoofWoof / 12/07/2009 at 1:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Nocturna's comment : I'll assume you're both like 10.

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Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

by ditzen / 12/07/2009 at 12:39pm / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

by mylifesuckssomuch3214 / 12/07/2009 at 12:08pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous