Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML

by GymnasticsQueen / 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

by Ishii / 02/07/2010 at 1:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

by jake / 02/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

by mrmr / 02/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

by notababymama / 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

by bystander / 02/07/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

by Mackdaddy / 02/07/2010 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2010 at 9:19am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

by Ryan / 02/07/2010 at 9:18am / Work

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

by wallbanger / 02/07/2010 at 7:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

by KiwiBlam / 02/07/2010 at 4:19am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

by HitbyIce / 02/07/2010 at 2:21am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous