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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went drtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control an flipped over mah handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruise an a crescent-shaped gash on mah neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if mah boyfriend an I were being frisky last night. mega FML

#2169497
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39097) - you deserved it (8359)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:39am - health - by crash (woman) - United States

Today, Mah Car Died On A Major Road, A Cop Pulled Over To Help, He Offered To Jump Me,hile Doing So Because Mah Battery Was So Dead He Told Me To Put The Gas On The Floor, I Did And Mah Car Roared To Life, He Then Pulled Me Over Five Feet Fromhere Mah Car Died To Give Me A Ticket Fir A Loud Exhaust. Mega FML

#2168919
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62447) - you deserved it (5003)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

TODAY, WHILE CLEANING OUT A CLOSET WITH MAH MOTHER, I FOUND A WISH LIST FROM WHEN I WAS FIVE. ON THAT LIST, I WISHED MAH PARENTS WOULD DIVORCE. NOT ONLY DID THAT SERIOUSLY HURT MAH MOM, BUT NOW SHE THINKS I'M THE DEVIL CUZ MAH WISH CAME TRUE. FML

#2165517
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44360) - you deserved it (11484)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today... I Was At Work At An Office Store. I Was Instructed To Putted Together Several Tape-free Cardboard Boxes. I Then Realized That I Can Disassemble And Reassemble A Computer With Mah Eyes Closed And One Hand Behind Mah Back... But I Was Outsmarted By A Cardboard Box. FML

#2161329
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32820) - you deserved it (7854)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)

Today, I kissed husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to husband "How can u love her so much if she's so ugly?" fat FML

#2158640
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59985) - you deserved it (3816)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

yesterday after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out fir the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed an u wake up with food in yours." FML

#2158517
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61426) - you deserved it (11201)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking in Walmart an this cute guy walked by me an winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

#2156907
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10503) - you deserved it (46722)

On 05/21/2009 at 7:46pm - misc - by liz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today I brought some cupcakes to mah class for mah birthday like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday the entire class said ( happy birthday to ) then forgot mah name. Except mah teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69519) - you deserved it (6191)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today , mah boss came storming towards me , screaming just how tired she is with mah constant bullshit. Already pissed off , I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19694) - you deserved it (70259)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. fat FML

#2147101
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52483) - you deserved it (23436)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ECullen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I cummed across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. mega FML

#2144492
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39849) - you deserved it (14698)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up early to take ma dog fir a walk. I wore spandex sorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of ot construction workerso cecked me out. I just got ome and realized I ave te biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in ma life. real FML

#2143757
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15907) - you deserved it (54525)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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