Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who is not me because her siblings and cousins do not accept me. FML

by theraarman / 12/21/2009 at 7:13am / Love

Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML

by michelleccali / 12/21/2009 at 5:32am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Kervik's comment : Monthly anniversary? How stupid.

See all the comments

Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2009 at 4:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

by eliteslayer29 / 12/21/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

by farmakakis / 12/21/2009 at 1:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

by goblue / 12/21/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

by budapesthungary / 12/21/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 11:27pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

by itstillhurts / 12/20/2009 at 11:23pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. Instead of taking me home like he told me he was going to, he pulled up to the gas station, gave me $6, and asked me to go pay. As soon as I walked inside, he threw my bag out the door, and drove off. FML

by dayumm_shawtyy / 12/20/2009 at 8:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

by embarrassed / 12/20/2009 at 7:26pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Love

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

by thatguy / 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy