Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

by PissyPants / 06/20/2010 at 1:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

by LoveYouTooMa / 06/20/2010 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

by Grace / 06/19/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

by kebaby / 06/19/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

by Classicmen / 06/19/2010 at 2:53pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

by kasai_x0x / 06/19/2010 at 12:27pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

by Momma / 06/19/2010 at 3:47am / Kids

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

by jooshuarr / 06/18/2010 at 7:09pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

by anonymous / 06/18/2010 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

by gimmeabreak0_o / 06/18/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

by Stevo / 06/18/2010 at 3:13am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

by emilygreeny / 06/18/2010 at 1:42am / United States / Health

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous