Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2010 at 2:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

by mirrorfad / 01/29/2010 at 12:49am / Health

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

by sixxie / 01/29/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

by ke / 01/29/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

by oregongrl1991 / 01/28/2010 at 10:32pm / Love

Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML

by Skier / 01/28/2010 at 9:01pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML

by Juggalette / 01/28/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

by Lance / 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

by Whoops / 01/28/2010 at 3:21pm / Love

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

by sucksssssss / 01/28/2010 at 3:12pm / Work

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

by bw9669 / 01/28/2010 at 2:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

by jmitch1209 / 01/28/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids