Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML

by Dan1021 / 02/04/2010 at 2:31pm / Love

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

by Ewwwwww / 02/04/2010 at 1:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

by Minabee / 02/04/2010 at 1:28pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

by confused / 02/04/2010 at 11:12am / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

by Awkward / 02/04/2010 at 11:03am / Love

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

by EchoDearEcho / 02/04/2010 at 9:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

by erin / 02/04/2010 at 9:51am / Intimacy

bhsnare's comment : then dump your boyfriend and save him the trouble of having an unloyal girlfriend, ya?

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Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

by Maxwell / 02/04/2010 at 5:47am / Money

idkweird's comment : Why did you have 500 dollars easily accessible to a child?

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Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

by littlespoon / 02/04/2010 at 3:40am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

by Tuffgunsmoke / 02/04/2010 at 2:22am / Health

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

by city_girl / 02/04/2010 at 1:34am / United States (Minnesota) / Transportation

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

by crazyclumzy / 02/04/2010 at 12:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous