Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML

by XxOx / 02/03/2010 at 8:18pm / Health

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

by adam / 02/03/2010 at 3:10pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2010 at 3:04pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

by cogu / 02/03/2010 at 2:34pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML

by fantastic / 02/03/2010 at 1:47pm / Love

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

by bluebride / 02/03/2010 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Namenlos's comment : Wow.... your mother is a self-centered cunt

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Today, I finally removed my car insurance after realizing it costs too much money. Since I then had more money, I went to celebrate with ice cream. On the way, I got hit by a truck. FML

by jk2010 / 02/03/2010 at 12:44pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Transportation

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

by kristine29 / 02/03/2010 at 11:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches in his chin. He did great, I passed out. FML

by Sherlock / 02/03/2010 at 11:02am / Health

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

by lonestar / 02/03/2010 at 8:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

by Scaredshitless / 02/03/2010 at 8:48am / Health

Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML

by sadface / 02/03/2010 at 6:58am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

by notaprossie / 02/03/2010 at 3:42am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

pjfromok's comment : Why would you go to a "dress up" party and not dress up??? They are going to assume you are dressed up. Fail.

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