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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10577) - you deserved it (79423)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

#2660481
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55930) - you deserved it (12383)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

#2658966
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52436) - you deserved it (8315)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

#2658962
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10541) - you deserved it (54783)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - misc - by Goki (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

#2658374
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65249) - you deserved it (5237)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

#2656270
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44852) - you deserved it (11540)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

#2655831
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60495) - you deserved it (6833)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - misc - by graduate - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46017) - you deserved it (6585)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

#2655501
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45994) - you deserved it (7507)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:41am - money - by tommy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

#2654949
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68344) - you deserved it (7660)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:18am - work - by foretwintie (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

#2654744
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41122) - you deserved it (6326)

On 06/06/2009 at 6:24am - love - by Discostu80 - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

#2652874
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50469) - you deserved it (20828)

On 06/06/2009 at 2:48am - health - by XLhottie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
479 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70858) - you deserved it (4852)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

i_live2fly's comment : OMFG that is one fucked up kid!!!!!!!!

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