Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

#2823
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5105) - you deserved it (32983)

On 01/27/2009 at 11:47am - money - by dannij08 - United States (California)

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

#2805
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4294) - you deserved it (15745)

On 01/27/2009 at 9:25am - work - by workerbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

#2804
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15376) - you deserved it (1434)

On 01/27/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by impatient amy - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35413) - you deserved it (7259)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

#2788
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20362) - you deserved it (1887)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:24am - love - by aere - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15786) - you deserved it (18832)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

#2762
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5659) - you deserved it (18649)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:10am - work - by duh - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

#2760
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6656) - you deserved it (16427)

On 01/27/2009 at 1:33am - love - by dlova - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

#2743
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14036) - you deserved it (1376)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:18pm - health - by ouch - United States (Washington)

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

#2742
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15570) - you deserved it (4337)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:54pm - love - by CaptainSosuke - United States (California)

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

#2741
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11761) - you deserved it (1794)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:32pm - love - by kai - United States (California)

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

#2738
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5919) - you deserved it (57134)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

#2732
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14856) - you deserved it (3341)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm - love - by soundbox - United States (Florida)



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