Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

by jake / 02/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

by mrmr / 02/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

by notababymama / 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

by bystander / 02/07/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

by Mackdaddy / 02/07/2010 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2010 at 9:19am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

by Ryan / 02/07/2010 at 9:18am / Work

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

by wallbanger / 02/07/2010 at 7:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

by KiwiBlam / 02/07/2010 at 4:19am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

by HitbyIce / 02/07/2010 at 2:21am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

by mike / 02/07/2010 at 2:16am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

wambamtysam's comment : the fact is, people who end up killing themselves never speak about it. it's always a shock or a mystery. she's just a little poser and wouldn't have the balls to kill herself.

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Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

by jobless / 02/07/2010 at 1:12am / United States (Illinois) / Work