Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

by SMRT / 01/13/2010 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

by bern5555 / 01/13/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Idaho) / Kids

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

by pass_the_tp / 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

by Narehs / 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

by meee / 01/12/2010 at 7:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

by BetterThanFake / 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Florida) / Love

corgi's comment : So, technically, you guys are still together.

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

by notasgood / 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

by Dani / 01/12/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

by Busted / 01/12/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

by loveade11 / 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm / Transportation

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pumping gas and decided to go in for a drink. I discovered that when it's cold, sometimes the gas doesn't stop pumping automatically and starts spewing out onto the sidewalk. I had to pay for $53 of spilled gas. FML