Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2010 at 8:35am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I peed myself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2010 at 5:16am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three. They where all really fat and the lady was holding 2 boxes of pizza. I decided to roll down the window and scream "fatasses" as loud as I could while my cousin drove off. They were going to the same house we were. FML

by lauris1306 / 01/31/2010 at 2:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

kittiekat's comment : you are a total asshole

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Today, my girlfriend and I were in my basement. I play drums and guitar very well. My girlfriend bet me $50 that she could play better than me. I made the bet, but what I didn't know was that she had been taking both drum and guitar lessons since she was 5. I just lost $50. FML

by unknown / 01/31/2010 at 1:54am / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

by tammy999 / 01/31/2010 at 1:44am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

by lilsis / 01/31/2010 at 12:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

by Becca / 01/31/2010 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

by Me / 01/31/2010 at 12:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her twitter to complain about me. FML

by sparkle / 01/30/2010 at 11:01pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend had replaced our picture in her locket for a picture of Taylor Lautner shirtless. FML

by Twilightsux / 01/30/2010 at 10:20pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my husband of five years was living a double life. He and his mistress have two children together and a third one on the way. He told me the only reason he stayed with me was for my money. I make about 8 dollars an hour and work two jobs to make ends meet. FML

by pkz / 01/30/2010 at 9:11pm / Love

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

by WishesWasDeaf / 01/30/2010 at 8:35pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

by hahahawoww / 01/30/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous