Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

by waterspike / 01/29/2010 at 8:18am / Love

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

by purple / 01/29/2010 at 6:22am / Miscellaneous

Today, my window fell out of the wall, landed on my head, and shattered. I waited 6 hours to get 23 stitches in the emergency room. When I got home, I found a bill. I owe my landlord $130 to replace the window. They won't fix it until I pay up. FML

by dani1104 / 01/29/2010 at 3:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

by pugs / 01/29/2010 at 3:43am / Love

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2010 at 2:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

by mirrorfad / 01/29/2010 at 12:49am / Health

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

by sixxie / 01/29/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

by ke / 01/29/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

by oregongrl1991 / 01/28/2010 at 10:32pm / Love

Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML

by Skier / 01/28/2010 at 9:01pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML

by Juggalette / 01/28/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

by Lance / 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous