Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

#2685783
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60851) - you deserved it (4189)

On 06/07/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by loner (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

#2685483
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17955) - you deserved it (73763)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by zep (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

#2684779
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55350) - you deserved it (6772)

On 06/07/2009 at 5:23am - misc - by apparentlyunattractive (woman) - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12911) - you deserved it (73065)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

#2682144
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50016) - you deserved it (24061)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
371 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46970) - you deserved it (125873)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

#2679727
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58099) - you deserved it (4740)

On 06/07/2009 at 12:49am - money - by AllyCat (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

#2674765
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48215) - you deserved it (3038)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:25pm - kids - by Shelly (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

#2674249
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54649) - you deserved it (9552)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by fatty - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

#2672288
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24566) - you deserved it (39855)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by fml_seriouslyfml (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

#2671287
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65442) - you deserved it (6650)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

#2670105
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40826) - you deserved it (5925)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:46pm - kids - by biotch - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

#2664358
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44734) - you deserved it (9430)

On 06/06/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by lft (woman) - United States (California)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: