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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

#6154
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6175) - you deserved it (23454)

On 02/03/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by baller12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

#6093
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56535) - you deserved it (4548)

On 02/03/2009 at 9:25am - intimacy - by SoClose (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

#6027
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22083) - you deserved it (1633)

On 02/03/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by Cob (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

#6002
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6436) - you deserved it (27255)

On 02/03/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by fuckedalready (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

#5942
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18951) - you deserved it (15281)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:48am - health - by mrb72 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

#5939
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28185) - you deserved it (10160)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:47am - love - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14385) - you deserved it (42550)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

#5894
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23952) - you deserved it (2352)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:49am - love - by 751920 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

#5890
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3957) - you deserved it (49755)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:46am - work - by poisonhand (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

#5886
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

#5881
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37950) - you deserved it (2616)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Mavis (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

#5874
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9128) - you deserved it (25244)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7489) - you deserved it (18863)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)



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