Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

by LadyLump / 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 11:12am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

by unknown / 01/24/2010 at 10:27am / Miscellaneous

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 9:25am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

by CheeseMonsters / 01/24/2010 at 7:28am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 3:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

yakturk43's comment : receiving is just as gay he's in denial...

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Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

by Schrewt / 01/24/2010 at 3:50am / Health

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

by unluckymiss / 01/24/2010 at 1:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

by ashley_skillz06 / 01/24/2010 at 12:21am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

by pogodrake / 01/24/2010 at 12:01am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

by lmiller / 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Love