Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

by CreepedOut / 03/09/2010 at 1:31am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

by fu2then / 03/09/2010 at 1:04am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love

Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating super heroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML

by notanerd / 03/09/2010 at 12:12am / United States / Geek

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

by yessssir / 03/08/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

by yayaimannoying / 03/08/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML

by BNLM / 03/08/2010 at 8:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

by dead / 03/08/2010 at 7:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

by gotitEVERYWHERE / 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

by Crystal / 03/08/2010 at 4:35pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Love

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

by HaleyIsabelle / 03/08/2010 at 3:54pm / Love

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

by justpeachy / 03/08/2010 at 3:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

by Kristopher / 03/08/2010 at 2:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

by xXxtwilightLUV95xXx / 03/08/2010 at 10:14am / United States (Texas) / Love