Today, the sprinklers in the hotel room came on and stayed on. There was no fire. My family is currently living in the hotel, so everything we own is soaked. FML

by Username / 08/09/2010 at 12:08pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

by Forgotten / 08/09/2010 at 10:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

by Mikey832 / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

by Fml24609 / 08/09/2010 at 4:29am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML

by hard / 08/09/2010 at 3:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

by SleeplessInSoCal / 08/09/2010 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

by Widowmaker / 08/09/2010 at 12:03am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

by L.Lime05 / 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

by pixiegirl / 08/08/2010 at 3:38pm / United States / Love

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

by Lifes_a_bust / 08/08/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

by XxDanno316xX / 08/08/2010 at 10:52am / United States / Work

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

by Lola / 08/08/2010 at 10:32am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous