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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

#35910
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25556) - you deserved it (32431)

On 02/13/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Kulcha (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

#35844
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45004) - you deserved it (6495)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by Yazzy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

#35828
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27283) - you deserved it (5650)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:46am - misc - by Tamps (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

#35674
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9446) - you deserved it (33241)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by AwesomePGnarles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

#35636
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34013) - you deserved it (7087)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by buster (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

#34502
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35997) - you deserved it (3584)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Dariya (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

#34420
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10694) - you deserved it (39110)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

#34306
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29112) - you deserved it (6313)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by yerface - United States (Texas)

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML

#34266
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45025) - you deserved it (7040)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

#33444
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45372) - you deserved it (4544)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Duckie W (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (36392)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77125) - you deserved it (9994)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

#30994
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35411) - you deserved it (8991)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by skipper - United States (Tennessee)



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