Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

by BaldingQuick / 02/02/2010 at 2:34am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

by Zephyric / 02/02/2010 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

by engagedmaybe / 02/02/2010 at 1:20am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

by wolfpacking / 02/02/2010 at 12:51am / Transportation

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

by anoynomous / 02/02/2010 at 12:47am / Transportation

Today, the windows on my car were frozen. I filled up a bucket of hot water, and threw it on the windows. The windows cracked. FML

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

by overexcited / 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

by kaitlynn / 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm / Love

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

by boner / 02/01/2010 at 3:51pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2010 at 2:29pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

by adad / 02/01/2010 at 9:34am / Animals

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

by dontbadouche / 02/01/2010 at 8:45am / Senegal / Animals