Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

by WorstLifeEver / 06/24/2010 at 8:45pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

by babysitter / 06/24/2010 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

by kbartlett86 / 06/24/2010 at 4:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

by Colbasaur / 06/24/2010 at 10:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML

by facebook / 06/24/2010 at 6:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML

by anonymous / 06/24/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, a 75 year old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML

by hurricane0331 / 06/23/2010 at 9:51pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

by cjkelly1 / 06/23/2010 at 7:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

by Cleo / 06/23/2010 at 10:27am / Brunei Darussalam / Work

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

by fartwoman / 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out that my younger sister had maxed out all three of my credit cards when I tried all three of the cards, and realized that I didn't have $5.29 to buy tampons and Advil. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Money