Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

by pickit / 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

by Jill / 02/24/2010 at 8:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

by Herman / 02/24/2010 at 7:57pm / Work

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

by richgirl / 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

by koolkidx3 / 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

by dumbbass / 02/24/2010 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

by creditwhore / 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm / United States (Missouri) / Money

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

by sadf4x0r / 02/24/2010 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

by Username / 02/24/2010 at 10:06am / Intimacy

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 9:20am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Work

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

by Greymoya / 02/24/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous